nineteen days

day fourteen

Posted in day fourteen, the fast - 2008 by leila on March 16, 2008

O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life. O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord.”

‘Abdu’l-Bahá

amy: I am not quite sure what happened to the past five days. i am just simply exhausted and if it weren’t for this exercise of taking pictures at dawn and dusk, I might barely notice the days of this Fast zip by.

I am being pulled in a million directions, trying to give one hundred percent to all the aspects of my life that are calling for my attention. but I know I can’t and something has got to give. I need some time to focus, to realign. that’s what this fast is supposed to be for—and yet I feel it’s nearly over before I am able to achieve that inner equilibrium.

so you’ll find me tonight hoping—hoping that tomorrow will be just a little bit more peaceful.

leila: tonight we had family friends over for dinner. i sometimes feel surreal when i spend time with loved ones whom i haven’t seen for years—looking into their faces is like looking into the past, present, and future all at once, and the sensation is heady, vertiginous.

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7 Responses

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  1. Natascha said, on March 16, 2008 at 8:37 am

    I can relate to both of you in what you are saying.

  2. Manijeh said, on March 16, 2008 at 10:51 am

    Amy, I feel exactly the same and feel like I need a month away from everything just to get my life back to normal! Loving all your pictures though and look forward to hitting F5 every day!

  3. capello said, on March 16, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    are you finding youself to be more present? more relaxed?

    although i am not fasting, i’ve been working on those myself. it’s so easy to go on auto-pilot to take care of everything, but i’m tired of living that way.

  4. golriz said, on March 16, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    i love it when leila uses words i have to look up.

    your quadtych made me so happy again this morning. and no, i don’t think quadtiyh is a word…i’m just modifying triptych 😉

    x love to you both,

    gol

  5. Elizabeth said, on March 16, 2008 at 7:18 pm

    Amy, I hear you.
    I love the morning flower pictures you both took.

  6. leila said, on March 17, 2008 at 1:01 am

    natascha: i think i speak on behalf of amy—with whom i also relate—when i say that it is good to know WE ARE NOT ALONE.

    manijeh: although i feel like i should let amy respond to your comment, i wanted to say that i think it is also something to do with the hours of the fast—one has to go to sleep early in order to wake up so early and also to have energy to last the whole day, but then one doesn’t want to fall asleep so soon after eating, and one also wants to do those things in the evening that one has perhaps postponed till one is invigorated with post-meal energy. for me, at least, this is what i have realized about my fluctuating levels of focus and vitality.

    capelllo: i also hope amy feels more present and relaxed! in terms of living with mindfulness, i know that it makes a difference in my creativity, my ability to see solutions and patterns and opportunities that otherwise i am oblivious of—because i am too busy finessing the minutiae of everyday life.

    golriz: i love it when i use words that i have to look up to double-check that i’m using them correctly! so glad that our quadtych (fab word!) brings you joy. and our love to you, sweetness.

    elizabeth: i also like this combination of morning pictures! the macro gerbers and the tiny purple blossoms! thank you.

  7. amysahba said, on March 18, 2008 at 4:48 am

    manijeh love – just a note to say ‘i am glad i am not the only one’ and i am so glad you’ve been playing along with leila and i on your flickr! love you!


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